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Hey lv\ivejournal   
03:21am 25/06/2008
  Wow I don't think I've done this in a while. Either way I'm kinda fucking destroyed right now... And trying to sober up so I can lay down without vomitting (again). Honeslty I don't know if anyone still reads this shit, or anything, or wheather or not I still even talk to anyone that reads this shit or whatever...
But in the future if your ever with my and I consume what seems like "way too much" by really almost any standards, of a healthy mix of drugs, please please please don't let me fucking drive. I'm not that fuckin roudy of a kid, you don't have to be nervous to confront me. Just like reason with me, cause tonight I shouldn't have driven, and I realized this about 5 seconds from going 40 into a telephone pole. Like I know sometimes its hard to tell weather im even intoxicated I am, but I assure you Nowadays it dont take me shit to get drunk, and alcohol mixed with anything at all immeditaly makes me retarded, I have a weak liver, shit hits me hard nowadays. But more importantly I made it home safely without killing anyone, as far as I know, but, it weas fuckin scary, cause I had no real relization of how destroyed I was til I barely saved myself from death. This was just a drunken OMGZZZZZZ from me just in case Iever actually start being social again, and not just talking to a very very very small group of people and conquer my fear of the outside world.
 
     

(1 Sacrificed Me | Make a Decision)

 
oh man live journal   
02:29am 21/12/2007
  Like woah.
I have to say, after years and years of being me.
I've never been very good at being me.
I'm starting to remember why I stopped thinking all them years ago.
Also, I need a job.
Preferably one that wont fuck me like my last one.
Cause every time I find a place i don't mind working at, and go all gung-ho yay work, they end up turning around and bending me over.
And I realize that happens in most jobs, but I can't tolerate being screwed over by people.
I never have been, mainly because when i get angry I make rash, and over all bad choices, which due to me being a stubborn jack ass follow through with even after the fact.
But really, if I have any friends left in this world, and you know of a job, or someone thats hiring. I'm here.
I work hard anywhere that doesnt treat me like crap.
I'm a charismatic mother fucker when I have to be (ask my regulars at my last job on that one)
And most of all, I'm house broken.
Also I need something positive to pull myself out of this drug induced haze im in.
Like anything even remotely positive in my life would be fantastic right now.
I've been trying to do the go out there and do it myself way, but lets face it, I'm a fucking failure at life.
So really I think I'm finally at the point where I need help, like I need positive input.
I dunno, its like 2:30 am, and oddly enough I'm usually asleep by now. The fully nocturnal thing was fun while it lasted, but I was getting more miserable than usual, which is scary.
But on the other hand the time I've had to myself has let me get a better grasp on well, me, I don;t much like myself, but I gotta live with me, so not much I can do about that.
I kinda regret giving the vast majority of my friends the silent go fuck yourself. But, I needed it, desperately... And I don't know if I'm done yet.
But I need to do something else. It all really comes back to my obsession of getting rid of my blood relatives.
I see my brother like twice a year, my father moved down to florida, so i really never have to see him or his god awful fucking scum of a family again.
Now to just get rid of this cunt.
I'm stuck though, like all whatever else I have going on aside.
I'm in debt, like serious debt.
I have about $450 a month in bills to a lawyer and student loans, never mind insurance, the fact that its like the 21st and I still don't have health insurance. And I've been out of work for like 3 weeks.
I think the drugs are starting to get ahold of me, but I'm slowly weening away at my reserves, I havent had pot in well over a week, and my back up supplies of everything are all gone, I have maybe a day's worth of a good time, if I'm lucky sitting in my dresser. Then I might have to start drinking again.
I've been an avid non/casual drinker for a while now, cause there was a time when while drunk not only did I always consume much more than my body could really handle, but I lost control of myself.
Granted I might loose control of myself here and there anyway, but I hate the feeling the next day knowing I did/said something that is completely out of character for me.
Fuck, I'm typing to fucking live journal.
K I'm done, before I type anything else.

-q.Ne
"If I live through this, I'm gonna dance a jig"
 
     

(1 Sacrificed Me | Make a Decision)

 
...   
03:07pm 01/11/2007
  IT'S OVAR!
peace out bitchez.



-q.Ne
DICKS
 
     

(Make a Decision)

 
Ah life.   
11:19pm 13/08/2007
  normal day.
Wake up around 6pm.
Log onto WoW, see whats the dil.
Drive to store, buy a beverage and a pack of smokes.
Drive a long way home to smoke a bowl.
Get back on WoW, mindlessly talk to e-friends til raid time.
Raid at 7:30.
Shower at 11:15.
GO to work for quarter of midnight.
Wait for coworker to leave.
Try to start idle conversation with wierd foreign lady who is overnight at the dunkies.
Get confused and not understand i word she says.
Buy a drink.
Smoke a cigarette.
Throw out the papers.
Smoke a cigarette.
Stare at the skoal for about an hour.
Smoke a cigarette.
Stare blankly and zone out til about 2.
Sweep, vaccuum, and mop the floors.
Get angry at people walking in to just walk around the section I just mopped and buy gum after deciding on a vitamin water(cause everyone fuckin drinks that shit)
Remop floor.
Smoke a cigarette.
Realize floors arent dry yet.
Smoke another cigarette.
Stock cooler while singing to myself for about half an hour.
Once again start idle conversation with foreign lady.
Smoke a cigarette after same results.
Stock the fast food shit and the fruit.
Smoke a cigarette.
at 5am Open side door, and record einning lottery numbers onto a this big callender thingy.
SMoke another cigarette.
Count lots of newspapers and put them on the rack.
Get mad at the herald guy for being 3 hours lats.
Smoke a cigarette.
Usually by 6 am lost the will to be productive completely, and stand at my register and stare at the clock.
Something about too many customers to smoke a cigarette for the rest of the shift.
Idly glance at one of the morning girls at dunkies, still trying to figure out if shes jailbait.
Do lots and lots of unneccessary paperwork around 7:55.
Walk around the parking lot and change 6 trash barrels that are all half full of half finished coffees.
Get covered in coffee.
Get sad.
Punch out and go home about 8:20.
Smoke a bunch more cigarettes.
Jump in circles in WoW til around 10:30 mindlessly talking to people.
Go to bed.
Rinse and Repeat.
There are 2 days in a row I don't work.
Those days.
Involve a lot more mindlessly jumping around in WoW talking to people.
Cause being E-social, and E-popular is > real life.
Well. Time to shower for work!
/wrists

-q.Ne
"your not aloud to work here, your speak english, and were born in america."
"Consider me jsut taking one back for the team"


S-Hell like a motha fucka
 
     

(3 Sacrificed Me | Make a Decision)

 
i exist to resist?   
08:08am 06/08/2007
  Ah journal.
I love live journal still.
Um update.
Drove a cab for a while, realized i was working 65+ hours a week and only making like 300 a week, got depressed, lost my mind, quit and got a new job over the course of 3 hours.
Now I work overnights at ye old foxboro shell. And am making more money weekly for less hours. Its neat.

But yeah, im not social anymore. I'm officially locked in a shell. I talk to people on WoW, and I hang out with buddy. Cause groups of more than 2 and things never go good. Like this absolute anti-social thing works entirely too well. The bouts of horrid depression stopped, I just kinda don't drink anymore, and I'm once again pulling myself out of debt, and getting things straitened out. Still up in the air about what comes next, could be almost anything, who knows. Ah well, just makin my journal feel less lonely.

Still keepin it D R E.

-q.Ne
Cancel compassion?
 
     

(1 Sacrificed Me | Make a Decision)

 
AH it comes again.   
09:51am 15/05/2007
  SO yeah, this summer I will be security at tweeter, HAR!
Anyways, got my redemption code for my ozzfest tickets, and found out Static X signed onto the bill for mainstage, wewt.
Oh and every summer I get really exctied about 1 concert. And the last couple years this concert has taken the cake.

Sounds of the Underground 2007 line-up.
GWAR(OMG HEADLINING YAY)
SHADOWS FALL(WOOOOT)
CHIMAIRA(Just wet myself)
EVERY TIME I DIE(sure, why not!)
NECRO(lol at hiphop at a metal show, prepare to get boooood)
JOB FOR A COWBOY(NEAT!)
DARKEST HOUR(eh, k)
AMON AMARTH(YARRRR!!!!)
THE ACACIA STRAIN(who?)
THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA(ha neat name)
HEAVY HEAVY LOW LOW(coffee coffee, buzz buzz)
THE NUMBER TWELVE LOOKS LIKE YOU(lol i bet their emo)
GOATWHORE(hooray for grindcore)
THIS IS HELL(mmhmm)

Yeah, July 13th, at the motha fuckin palladium, not sure on ticket price yet, but I'm goin... Who's with me?

Oh and I hate my life /wrists.

-q.Ne
I called her on the phone and she touched herself, I laughed myself to sleep
 
     

(1 Sacrificed Me | Make a Decision)

 
THe argument goes on   
05:38am 11/05/2007
  Hey livejournal...
How goes it?
Anyways, classes changing soon, assuming of course i pass the ones im in now... All right, so my networking standards class I'm confident im passing.
But math, I havent passed in shit, cause well, I spent over month without the ability to write, like even now if I write more than just a tiny bit, my hand gets all cramped up, and then starts throbbing. And I'm really not supposed to be doing anything with it period. But, yeah... cause of the time from school i had to take off like 9 months ago, and the BS this quarter with the time i had to miss, and my inability to do things that i really needed to do, I might get kicked out... And if that happens... I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Like I really think that will just be the nail in the coffin for me, I would have officially failed at life and all things concerning it. Like I need to figure out something, the dean was all gonna try to hook me up with a way out, but everytime i talk to him about it, he says he's gonna call me with an update, and he never does. So I'm more or less fucked, since I have 3 weeks to make up almost a quarters worth of work that I'm not actually allowed to make up. I was so confident and go getter ish at the start of this quarter too :(
On the other hand I'm drama free for quite some time now, and despite life blowing goats, i've been in a consistantly pleasant mood.
Oh and I have a full week coming up in the middle of June, where I have the apartment to myself. Like a full week, and I'm excited, I don't know what i'm gonna do with myself.
Probably just beat off a whole lot.
Um, I might be doing security at Tweeter Center all summer for Allied Barton... THat will be a great way to let off aggression, Roughing up drunkards, and getting paid to do it. I have a second interview with them next week. Pressuming I get that, I will soon have enough money to live again, as it is, I'm falling behind on most of my bills, and barely have enough gas to do essential things like school, and work. WHich is funny cause I drive at work. But alas, that will be coming to an end soon, when I get a job that is a slightly more reliable source of incoming, and am no longer putting 300+ miles a week on my car... on slow weeks.

And you... ya you... on the mention of money, I'm not ripping you off, you'll have your money the second I have the money to give you. But right now I barely have enough to cover essentials, like staying out of court, and keeping a place to live.

Um lets end this ona positive note.
If you eat while taking a shit, you are the model of efficiency, and are only a couple notches below Aizens.

-q.Ne
 
     

(2 Sacrificed Me | Make a Decision)

 
I'm not even gonna explain   
04:42pm 25/02/2007
  Quite possibly the most confusing thing i've ever had to consider.
So whos up for going to Ottawa?
har.
 
     

(3 Sacrificed Me | Make a Decision)

 
1 down   
11:28am 20/02/2007
  Took my first final this morning.
Have to say it was a joke... like a funny joke.
I LOL'd.
The only one im nervous about it tonight, at 6.
As much as I'm eating my own words, Windows XP class was decently hard, and I'm kinda intimidated by the final.
But hoo boy am I gonna own it (confidence yeah!)
Otherwise, I'm getting into Rise Against, and thats so not my style of music.
I thought it was just this one song, but I actually really like the other songs I've listened to by them.
I'm frightened.
Oh and math final on thursday morning. Lawl @ math.
Yeah, so tonight.
scary.
OOOOO
OH OH OH.
And friday.
CHIMAIRA! the obsession continues.
I guess Killswitch and dragonforce are playing too.
but...
CHIMAIRA! yeah mother fuckers.
I'll be there.
Will you?

-q.Ne
 
     

(Make a Decision)

 
Yar   
04:53pm 16/02/2007
  Har.
Um, yeah.
Killin the last few minutes before work.
I'm Sofa king busy lately.
I have finals coming up, and spring break after. Cause I'm wicked cool and get my spring break in march.
I've been workin mad extra hours at work.
I guess I'm going to some party tonight. Haven't really done the party thing a lot lately, I prefer my "partying" in small groups of friends. But I was called upon by a group of friends that I don't see much, so i'm going.
Um otherwise, I think I might want to try being social this weekend.
I really shouldn't, because when I go out I spend money, and I'm like doing much much better with that real life thing when I don't go out and spend money.
But either way, people who have my cell number should call me, hang out some night after I get off work this weekend.
Like really.
Call me.
Thx.

-q.Ne
HAR!
 
     

(Make a Decision)

 
sigh   
11:45pm 01/02/2007
  One day.
I'll have friends.
 
     

(2 Sacrificed Me | Make a Decision)

 
sometimes journal   
08:53am 23/01/2007
  Aaaah journal...
yes journal.
I'm getting out of debt.
ANd doing well in school.
I work a lot.
And play video games.
I'm a pothead.
And an alcoholic.
A social retard.
And a suave mother fucker.
So yeah fuck everyone in the world.
Cause I've been in worst places.
And life sucks a lot.
But at least I'm doing something about it.
All while filling the stereotype of failure.

Me > the world.

-q.Ne
Broken hearted
 
     

(Make a Decision)

 
bears are dangerous   
09:38pm 10/12/2006
  If anyone needs me.
Ill be in drinking heavily.
And hibernating for the winter.

-q.Ne
forever feels like home
 
     

(Make a Decision)

 
synapse?   
09:19pm 11/11/2006
  Maybe.
Well I do stuff sometimes.
Actually here, let me sum up whats happened to me lately.
Almost cut off my finger at work.
Quit my job, getting fucked workmans comp wise.
My laptop got destroyed.
I have finals in less than a week.
My life kinda sucks.
digging myself back into a hole.
Kinda wanna dance.
My operating systems final is gonna completely kick my ass.
Got my new scheduel.
really hate my life.
But I might have an internship at MGI in middleboro.
Woot.
k im done.

-q.Ne
I kinda wish i was still insightful
 
     

(Make a Decision)

 
ah   
01:21am 27/10/2006
  So i sat around all day doing nothing.
and it was fantastic.
that is all

-q.Ne
young adult programming kills brain cells
 
     

(Make a Decision)